By Your Side

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.

I heard this song on my way to work one morning after I heard the news that my grandfather probably wasn't going to be around much longer. I was having a difficult time with the news and was stopped at a railroad crossing and was just crying out to God that I wasn't going to be able to handle this on my own. I just didn't think I had the strength. This song immediately came on. If you haven't heard the whole song I encourage you to look up the lyrics or download it (it is by 10th Avenue North). God was trying to remind me there was no need to try and get through this alone; He was going to be there for me.

As many of you know, my grandfather (aka Poppy) passed away last week. The day that Brent and I announced we were pregnant to everyone was the day that Poppy was taken to the hospital for an infection that required surgery right away. I wasn't able to talk to him directly but I was told that he was super excited for us and told everyone in the hospital about our news. I can only imagine him smiling and giggling as Nanny told him the news.

I wasn't too concerned with him having to go to the hospital because for several years his health hasn't been what it was and plus I was pregnant nothing bad could happen. Well, I was wrong. With details I can't bear to relive, Poppy took his last breath last Sunday surrounded by his loving family.

Since I am pregnant it was advised that I shouldn't go to the hospital. Now I can only see that as a blessing because when I think about him, my mind doesn't have to fight images of him healthy and images of him in the hospital. I can simply see him the last time I saw him, sitting in his big blue chair, tv on, fussing at me over my tattoo. Despite my many attempts of waving my foot around, he didn't catch on til 6 months later. He always liked to fuss at me over changing anything; hair, piercing, etc. He always said he liked me just the way I was. Of course, knowing that these things bothered him, I always managed to go over there after a new hairdo, just to get a rise out of him. Even though he didn't like the change he still told me I looked nice.

I'm not sure there will be a day that will go by that I won't be tempted to pick up the phone just to hear his voice. Thanks to caller ID, he always knew when I was calling and would answer with a cheery 'hi.'

I was blessed with 26 years with Poppy and here are a few things I will miss...

1. His smell. The man loved to smell good! He did not leave the house without his Polo aftershave on whether he was going to the farm or church. Nanny even gave Kevin (the funeral director and our close family friend) a bottle so he could rub some on Poppy. Guess she thought he ought to smell good when he went to heaven.

2. The way he dressed. Now, other than smelling good, Poppy liked looking nice. So he would prefer for me to remember him in one of his suits, but that wasn't his everyday look. When I see him he is wearing his Red Wings, blue jeans, short sleeve button up, pocket protector in the left pocket of his shirt with an assortment of pens and pencils, and his ball cap.

3. How on Sunday mornings you'd swear you were at the opera house. He would sing his choir songs as he got ready and my brother and I would be sitting on the bed trying to watch cartoons, but couldn't hear the tv over Poppy. We giggled most of the time because when you are little you think people are crazy for singing in the shower.

4. His laugh. It was more of a hee hee kind of laugh instead of ha ha. You could always hear his laugh no matter where you were in the house.

5. Our Tuesday morning phone calls after watching the bachelor/bachelorette. Why he started watching this show I will not know, but he liked to call to do a show recap and talk about who we liked and wanted to win. We hardly ever picked the same one, but always agreed on who wouldn't get very far.

Pops, you will be truly missed by all who loved you. I know you are finally able to walk just the way you have dreamed about all these years. I love you!